| "She had me laughing so hard my face hurt." |
Book Contents:
1. The Audacity:
Sometimes a person needs a little audacity.
2. If Not Now, When?
Sometimes you’ve got to bite the bullet and do it.
3. Wannabes:
Sometimes we really do suck.
4. I Am:
Passing judgement makes you a real prick, even to yourself.
5. The Self-Pitying Back-Stabber:
Sometimes your high horse turns out to be a Shetland.
6. My Secret Vow:
Sometimes the person we need to protect our loved ones from is
ourselves.
7. Daydream Believer:
Sometimes the fantasy hurts worse than the reality.
8. Give Me Your Spoiled, Your Petty, Your Petulant Masses:
Sometimes it’s better to shut up and be thankful.
9. I’ve Got a Bad Case of the Shoulds:
Sometimes you should take a friggin nap.
10. Imagine Native:
Sometimes it really is just paranoia.
11. Super Me:
A little humility goes a long way.
12. Doing the Right Thing:
Sometimes you have to be impeccable.
13. Other People’s Prayers:
Compared to God, we’re idiots.
14. There’s a Hole in My Half-Empty Cup:
Sometimes no thinking is better than negative thinking.
15. Happy Accidents:
Sometimes things that suck end up not sucking after all.
16. This Too Shall Pass:
Sometimes we need to remember that we tend to forget.
17. Paying the Price:
Sometimes the cost of nothing is a lot more than the cost of something.
18. Organization:
Sometimes the mess in your home comes from the mess in your head.
19. Letting Go of Control:
Sometimes a good addiction is still just an addiction.
20. What’s in it for Me?
Sometimes you just gotta have a little fun.
21. Use It or Get Rid of It:
Sometimes the empty space is worth more than the stuff you can fill it with.
22. Start Acting Like a Child!
If you act like a child, you should be treated like one.
23. Help!
There’s a good chance you won’t get the help you don’t ask for.
24. Mothers-in-Law:
There ain’t no lovin’ like mama lovin’.
25. Where I Need to Be:
Sometimes where you are is exactly where you need to be.
26. The Fantasies of Men:
Sometimes your husband will sabotage your diet in favor of his own
stomach.
27. The Real World:
There really is such a thing as the real world.
28. Okay, Gloria, Open Up!
Sometimes it’s not paranoia… but then again… maybe it is.
29. Expectations:
If we didn’t expect anything, we wouldn’t be upset when we didn’t get it.
30. Big Mac Attack:
Sometimes you gotta eat the burger.
31. Getting a Colonic:
There is always job security in the shit business.
32. Living Perfectly:
Sometimes the agony of selling your house isn’t worth it when you could
just drop it off at the Good Will instead.
33. Abundance:
Sometimes you do what you love and the money still doesn’t follow.
34. I’m so Happy!
Sometimes we can be happy with not being happy.
35. Soul Mates:
Sometimes your soul mate is just in it for the sex.
36. Screwing Season:
Sometimes writers write stuff for no particular reason.
37. Model Citizens:
Sometimes, when you think you might be all that, you find out you ain’t.
38. One of Those Days:
Sometimes a delayed reaction is the best reaction.
39. Allergies:
Sometimes it’s just drainage.
40. Stage Fright:
Sometimes people are watching you make an ass of yourself.
41. Health Nuts:
Health nuts are not nuts after all.
42. Walking on Eggshells:
Sometimes you get PMS, and sometimes PMS gets you.
43. The Rants:
PMS will make you say mean things about people, including yourself.
44. PMS:
It’s not the PMS. It’s the men.
45. Never Fool with Mother Nature:
Mother Nature is a rat-eating asshole.
46. Getting the Message:
Sometimes it’s the job of your friends to tell you you’re stupid.
47. Unsolicited Advice:
Sometimes the best advice is no advice.
48. Miles of Styles:
Sometimes the right way isn’t the right way.
49. My Little Secret:
Sometimes what nobody else knows won’t hurt you.
50. Famous People are People, Too:
Sometimes being famous blows big fat chunks.
51. A Friend in Deed:
Sometimes your friends are using you.
52. Just Knowing:
Sometimes you have to choose.
53. Mid-Thirties Crisis:
Sometimes when you grow up, you realize being a pubescent teenager
really was the best time of your life.
54. Instincts:
If you don’t want to get fleas, don’t act like an animal.
55. Legitimate Stress:
Sometimes when you need the most sleep is when you have the most to
get up and do.
56. House Inspections:
Sometimes angels come wearing coveralls.
57. Driving Across Country:
Sometimes when people say, “You can do it,” it’s really true.
58. Doing Too Much:
Sometimes, even when you do it all, you will still feel like a slacker.
59. Guilt Trips:
Sometimes you have to give up being a jerk.
60. Scary Shows:
You shouldn't watch scary crap on TV before you go to bed.
61. Contracts:
When you sign a contract with a company, it’s so you can’t shaft them, but
they can shaft the hell out of you.
62. Pigging Out:
When you pass the buck to someone else, you’re really just passing it
back to yourself, with interest.
63. Meeting the Joneses:
The Joneses really do have better stuff than you.
64. Things to Do:
If you write it all down, your brain won’t explode trying to remember it.
65. The Water Gestapo:
Sometimes they really are out to get you.
66. Writer’s Block:
Sometimes when you settle for less, you settle for a long, long time.
67. Crossroads:
You either have to work you or don’t, and even if you don’t, you still have
to anyway.
68. The Weather:
Sometimes they are out to get you, and you deserve it.
69. Attitudes:
Sometimes it’s all in your head.
70. Self-Correction:
Sometimes we’re just trying to make it better for ourselves.
71. Being Good at Something:
Being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you are something.
72. The Plateau:
Sometimes your weight loss plateau is the nicest place you’ve ever seen.
73. Living from Crisis to Crisis:
If you’re not used to peace, it can feel a lot like chaos.
74. Self-Esteem:
If you don’t learn to think for yourself, someone else will be glad to do it
for you.
75. Getting Older:
Let’s face it, you’re old. And if you’re not, you’re gonna be.
76. Learning Consequences:
Becoming an adult is all about growing up.
77. Eating Out:
There is a working class, and we’re it.
78. Asking for Opinions:
There are certain things that people should not wear on their body, and
boogers are one of them.
79. The High Price of Gas:
There are some things you should keep to yourself.
80. Futurizing:
Sometimes what you think you want and what you really want are two
different things.
81. The Editing Process:
Sometimes you gotta know when to stop.
82. Dearly Departed:
People are going to die whether you kill them or not.
83. Daily Dread:
Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary as hell, even when you’re just
going for a walk.
84. Staying on Schedule:
You gotta do what you gotta do, and you gotta do it every day at six.
85. Comparing Ourselves to Others:
Comparing ourselves to others makes us feel like losers.
86. Confessing:
Sometimes, if you admit it, you can forget it.
87. Easing Up on Myself:
You should give yourself credit where credit is due.
88. I am Writing a Book:
Maybe doing all that means you are all that… a little... just a little.
89. Using a Pseudonym:
You’re stuck being yourself, no matter how clever your disguise.
90. The End, Phew!
Sometimes all you have to do to do something is to do it.
1. The Audacity:
Sometimes a person needs a little audacity.
2. If Not Now, When?
Sometimes you’ve got to bite the bullet and do it.
3. Wannabes:
Sometimes we really do suck.
4. I Am:
Passing judgement makes you a real prick, even to yourself.
5. The Self-Pitying Back-Stabber:
Sometimes your high horse turns out to be a Shetland.
6. My Secret Vow:
Sometimes the person we need to protect our loved ones from is
ourselves.
7. Daydream Believer:
Sometimes the fantasy hurts worse than the reality.
8. Give Me Your Spoiled, Your Petty, Your Petulant Masses:
Sometimes it’s better to shut up and be thankful.
9. I’ve Got a Bad Case of the Shoulds:
Sometimes you should take a friggin nap.
10. Imagine Native:
Sometimes it really is just paranoia.
11. Super Me:
A little humility goes a long way.
12. Doing the Right Thing:
Sometimes you have to be impeccable.
13. Other People’s Prayers:
Compared to God, we’re idiots.
14. There’s a Hole in My Half-Empty Cup:
Sometimes no thinking is better than negative thinking.
15. Happy Accidents:
Sometimes things that suck end up not sucking after all.
16. This Too Shall Pass:
Sometimes we need to remember that we tend to forget.
17. Paying the Price:
Sometimes the cost of nothing is a lot more than the cost of something.
18. Organization:
Sometimes the mess in your home comes from the mess in your head.
19. Letting Go of Control:
Sometimes a good addiction is still just an addiction.
20. What’s in it for Me?
Sometimes you just gotta have a little fun.
21. Use It or Get Rid of It:
Sometimes the empty space is worth more than the stuff you can fill it with.
22. Start Acting Like a Child!
If you act like a child, you should be treated like one.
23. Help!
There’s a good chance you won’t get the help you don’t ask for.
24. Mothers-in-Law:
There ain’t no lovin’ like mama lovin’.
25. Where I Need to Be:
Sometimes where you are is exactly where you need to be.
26. The Fantasies of Men:
Sometimes your husband will sabotage your diet in favor of his own
stomach.
27. The Real World:
There really is such a thing as the real world.
28. Okay, Gloria, Open Up!
Sometimes it’s not paranoia… but then again… maybe it is.
29. Expectations:
If we didn’t expect anything, we wouldn’t be upset when we didn’t get it.
30. Big Mac Attack:
Sometimes you gotta eat the burger.
31. Getting a Colonic:
There is always job security in the shit business.
32. Living Perfectly:
Sometimes the agony of selling your house isn’t worth it when you could
just drop it off at the Good Will instead.
33. Abundance:
Sometimes you do what you love and the money still doesn’t follow.
34. I’m so Happy!
Sometimes we can be happy with not being happy.
35. Soul Mates:
Sometimes your soul mate is just in it for the sex.
36. Screwing Season:
Sometimes writers write stuff for no particular reason.
37. Model Citizens:
Sometimes, when you think you might be all that, you find out you ain’t.
38. One of Those Days:
Sometimes a delayed reaction is the best reaction.
39. Allergies:
Sometimes it’s just drainage.
40. Stage Fright:
Sometimes people are watching you make an ass of yourself.
41. Health Nuts:
Health nuts are not nuts after all.
42. Walking on Eggshells:
Sometimes you get PMS, and sometimes PMS gets you.
43. The Rants:
PMS will make you say mean things about people, including yourself.
44. PMS:
It’s not the PMS. It’s the men.
45. Never Fool with Mother Nature:
Mother Nature is a rat-eating asshole.
46. Getting the Message:
Sometimes it’s the job of your friends to tell you you’re stupid.
47. Unsolicited Advice:
Sometimes the best advice is no advice.
48. Miles of Styles:
Sometimes the right way isn’t the right way.
49. My Little Secret:
Sometimes what nobody else knows won’t hurt you.
50. Famous People are People, Too:
Sometimes being famous blows big fat chunks.
51. A Friend in Deed:
Sometimes your friends are using you.
52. Just Knowing:
Sometimes you have to choose.
53. Mid-Thirties Crisis:
Sometimes when you grow up, you realize being a pubescent teenager
really was the best time of your life.
54. Instincts:
If you don’t want to get fleas, don’t act like an animal.
55. Legitimate Stress:
Sometimes when you need the most sleep is when you have the most to
get up and do.
56. House Inspections:
Sometimes angels come wearing coveralls.
57. Driving Across Country:
Sometimes when people say, “You can do it,” it’s really true.
58. Doing Too Much:
Sometimes, even when you do it all, you will still feel like a slacker.
59. Guilt Trips:
Sometimes you have to give up being a jerk.
60. Scary Shows:
You shouldn't watch scary crap on TV before you go to bed.
61. Contracts:
When you sign a contract with a company, it’s so you can’t shaft them, but
they can shaft the hell out of you.
62. Pigging Out:
When you pass the buck to someone else, you’re really just passing it
back to yourself, with interest.
63. Meeting the Joneses:
The Joneses really do have better stuff than you.
64. Things to Do:
If you write it all down, your brain won’t explode trying to remember it.
65. The Water Gestapo:
Sometimes they really are out to get you.
66. Writer’s Block:
Sometimes when you settle for less, you settle for a long, long time.
67. Crossroads:
You either have to work you or don’t, and even if you don’t, you still have
to anyway.
68. The Weather:
Sometimes they are out to get you, and you deserve it.
69. Attitudes:
Sometimes it’s all in your head.
70. Self-Correction:
Sometimes we’re just trying to make it better for ourselves.
71. Being Good at Something:
Being good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you are something.
72. The Plateau:
Sometimes your weight loss plateau is the nicest place you’ve ever seen.
73. Living from Crisis to Crisis:
If you’re not used to peace, it can feel a lot like chaos.
74. Self-Esteem:
If you don’t learn to think for yourself, someone else will be glad to do it
for you.
75. Getting Older:
Let’s face it, you’re old. And if you’re not, you’re gonna be.
76. Learning Consequences:
Becoming an adult is all about growing up.
77. Eating Out:
There is a working class, and we’re it.
78. Asking for Opinions:
There are certain things that people should not wear on their body, and
boogers are one of them.
79. The High Price of Gas:
There are some things you should keep to yourself.
80. Futurizing:
Sometimes what you think you want and what you really want are two
different things.
81. The Editing Process:
Sometimes you gotta know when to stop.
82. Dearly Departed:
People are going to die whether you kill them or not.
83. Daily Dread:
Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary as hell, even when you’re just
going for a walk.
84. Staying on Schedule:
You gotta do what you gotta do, and you gotta do it every day at six.
85. Comparing Ourselves to Others:
Comparing ourselves to others makes us feel like losers.
86. Confessing:
Sometimes, if you admit it, you can forget it.
87. Easing Up on Myself:
You should give yourself credit where credit is due.
88. I am Writing a Book:
Maybe doing all that means you are all that… a little... just a little.
89. Using a Pseudonym:
You’re stuck being yourself, no matter how clever your disguise.
90. The End, Phew!
Sometimes all you have to do to do something is to do it.
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